I'm Moving! Again!

Yeah, I'm sick to death of Lady Gaga and her lyrics and the fact that, as I've mentioned before, this title has nothing really to do with me. So I'm moving again! All posts will be moved and this will stay up for a bit, but then it's going away. The new blog is still totally boring, but it has my half marathon race recap (yay!) and will be getting a makeover soon. So get your butts over to Oh Liza Jane for more me. 'Cause I know you can never get enough.

Healthy Halloween?

For years I haven't bothered with handing out candy at Halloween. First I lived in NOLA, where I went to Frenchman each year for the best Halloween street party in the South. Later I lived in an apartment building, then another. So this year was the first year that I would have actual trick-or-treaters, and despite my general lack of skill when interacting with the wee ones, I was pretty excited. My stepmother turned out to be excited too, and volunteered to come over with my father and help out. I decided to buy a ton of candy, but she told me that she thought kids would choose healthy snacks if given the chance. I scoffed, and she proposed an experiment.

The Hypothesis: Given the choice between healthy snacks and more traditional Halloween treats, kids would choose healthy snacks at least as often as candy.

The Supplies: On the unhealthy side, about 200 pieces of candy ranging from Blow Pops to Snickers bars, about 10 choices in all. On the healthy side, snack-size bags of Goldfish and small, pre-packaged bags of Granny Smith slices.

The Experimenters: Me, dressed as a giant taco. My stepmother, in a mustard bottle costume. My father, dressed as a giant bottle of ketchup (and occasionally dancing in the middle of the street to attract subjects).

The Results: Of 62 kids in all (we live on a side street. I may have overbought), the results were split right down the middle. 31 kids chose candy, 20 chose the Goldfish, and 11 chose apple slices. In most cases they knew what they wanted right away, and needless to say I was a little shocked.

The next day the candy went right to work with the boyfriend (well, most of it), and the Goldfish and apple slices stayed with me. Guess I fall in the healthy group too, except for those 6 Butterfingers I scarfed in about 24 hours.

At least they were snack size, right?

Cleaning House

We may have officially moved a week and a half ago, but due to the insane amount of time that it took us, there's still a smattering of random stuff and a LOT of cleaning to do in our old place. So that's what I'm doing today - driving back to DC with the boyfriend to pack it up, clean it out, and see some friends. Tonight is dinner with the lovely ladies of S3oo and tomorrow we're taking our across-the-hall neighbors out for dinner to thank them for TONS of help in moving large pieces of furniture and smushing it into the truck. Seriously, we may otherwise have packed until midnight, especially with the thumb incident.

So of course I woke up this morning feeling totally blah...tired, despite sleeping until 10, anxious, and generally MYEH. I hate those days that I wake up feeling icky, because my anxiety kicks in and I convince myself that I'm probably dying. Usually of leukemia - this is totally ridiculous, but I read one of those One Last Wish books (all about dying people) when I was a tween and it featured a girl with leukemia. It came on with tiredness and easy bruising, so clearly that's my problem. Ugh. Those books should have been banned from my reading list before I got a chance to take them off of the bookshelf. Not good for a hypochondriac. Anyways...so I posed the question "Ugh, baby, why do I feel so wonky?" And usually the answer is "I don't know. Why don't you have some tea?" Heh. But today, the answer was perfect - we're going to spend time doing something that we should have been finished with a week ago; we're going to spend all day doing it; it's more driving and packing. But, "we also get to spend a fun drive together and see two good sets of friends, and honestly it probably won't take all day." And just like that, I felt better. Thanks darling!

Anyways lovelies, it's back to DC for me. I promise to do a 101 things post soon to update on my progress (and to remove something from the list that I've realized I so DON'T want to do). Hope your Halloween weekend is going well!

Quick Update

I am moved in! The move itself was a little crazy, not that they're ever easy. The first day, which was supposed to be a piece of cake because we were so well prepared, took 8 hours. Oof. And the boyfriend crushed his thumb, making it nearly unusable the next day, so the next day was rather complicated. I ended up moving 90% of the truck with one of his friends (go me!), but it only took 5 hours. Go figure. Now we're just living among boxes until we can get the closet room (!) set up. Anyway, the house. It's fantastic. It's on a quiet little street in Lancaster, with the exception of the school kids who walk by every morning at 7:30. Note to school kids: it's 7:30. Use your indoor voices. It has a dining room, living room, BIG kitchen, three bedrooms upstairs, a finished attic, and a partially finished basement. Plus, it came with a huge grill, which makes me super excited, and we have kind of a giant backyard. I love living downtown, and I love drinking a glass of wine on the back steps on a pretty evening.

Lemme see, what else? The half-marathon training is going well, although my ankle is CRANKY. I got some new shoes today, so hopefully that will help a little bit. Seriously though, why do they discontinue my shoe design every time I want to buy new ones? Anyway...

Oh, and a new blog that I'm loving is Oh She Glows. It has a ton of vegan recipes, but I don't think that you need to be a vegan to love it (I'm not). It's just healthy, natural stuff and the girl who writes it is really charming.

That's about it for now. I'm roasting another chicken this week, so I'll have a 101 update soon.

#21, Done

The real post on my accomplishment will have to wait until after we've moved (tomorrow) and gotten the internet hooked up (who knows), but in the meantime I can say that I have accomplished one of my 101 things (well, 20-something things right now, but more to come). I roasted a whole chicken! It actually turned out really great - tasty and moist (ugh, how I hate that word), and I made mashed potatoes and included homemade bread from the boyfriend, so it was like a mini Thanksgiving. Anyway, I felt like a cooking bad ass when my golden, crispy-skinned chicken came out of the oven, and the house smelled amazing. More on what I did and photos to come. In the meantime, wish me luck on the move!

Keep It Coming

21. Roast a chicken - true, many of my 101 things involve cooking, but as the boyfriend says "You have to master the bird." I feel like it's like a souffle - one of those things that you have to conquer before you can really call yourself a cook.

22. Rehab a piece of furniture - ever since I stumbled on an old friend's roommate's ReadyMade book, I've been totally into this idea. I now get the magazine too, so the DIY fever has increased. I'm thinking a table for the kitchen would be fun and relatively easy for a crafty newbie.

23. Start taking real pictures - I'm always really impressed with the people that can make everyday things look beautiful. This may involve some photography classes, but it would be great to turn the "wow, that would make an incredible photo" into "wow, that's actually a great photo."

101 in 1001

Well, this post is going to take a while to type. I'm totally stealing this idea from Fug Girl Heather's personal blog, Dancing Brave, because it seems like such a good way to be sure that I actually accomplish things that I talk about doing all the time, and also because when I complete one I can post about it and, hopefully, be less boring than I have been of late. The problem will likely be coming up with 101 things, because much like Christmas and birthday lists, I am suddenly at kind of a loss. Thus, I will be posting in bits and pieces as I think of stuff. So, without further ado, the start of a 1001 day long to-do list, which will take me to June 22, 2013 (I think. That was sorta hard to add up. It's 2 years, one a leap year, plus 270 days):

1. Run a half marathon - this should be fairly simple. Not the running 13 miles part, but the making myself do it part, since I've already signed up for one. November 6, here I come.

2. Run a whole marathon - why not?

3. Go scuba diving - I'm sort of scared of coral. Also open water. I feel like an intruder, and am convinced that something will come out and bite me. At least with scuba, you have the protection of a wetsuit rather than just my bikini-exposed skin.

4. Take a real vacation, just me and the boyfriend - we have never, in over 7 years, been on a real vacation just the two of us. It seems like something we should have done by now.

5. Hike Old Rag in VA - I was going to go this weekend, but my friend and I decided we were feeling too lazy yesterday to drive two hours each way.

6. Find and purchase a cute pair of glasses - do I need glasses? No. Is that the point? No. I just want them, and so I shall have them.

7. Get a job. A real job - star light, star bright, this is what I wish for every night.

8. Successfully execute the Smith Island Cake - 12 layers = impressive and pretty.

9. Furnish my apartment so that it finally looks the way I want it to - you would think that this would be easy, but I've never managed to actually decorate a place so that I really, really liked it. I think I have a chance with the new place, since it has three usable bedrooms plus a basement and attic, thus less clutter.

10. Get a dog - I've wanted a dog for years now, and the new place actually allows them, with no silly weight restrictions.

11. Finish reading Lolita - I have started this book approximately 12 times. I have never finished it.

12. Learn to sew enough that I can actually make myself things - right now I can pretty much just take in simple things, like turning regular jeans into skinny jeans.

13. Master a good vegetarian lasagna - I cannot for the life of me seem to make a good veggie lasagna. It is always watery. Always.

14. Relearn Spanish - I say relearn because I took it for seven years. The fact that I just let it go is rather shameful. Plus, I was told yesterday it would practically guarantee me a job at the office I'm interested in.

15. Learn to ride a motorcycle - my sister says she'll go with me. This way, we will both be badasses.

16. Talk the boyfriend out of buying a 73" TV - because, really, why do you need that much screen?

17. Buy my own grill - after my first grilling experience last summer I am now fully obsessed.

18. Attend an NFL game - I've never been to more than a college game, and while those have their place, it's not the same.

19. Finally get the abs I want - that is to say, firm and flat and defined but not all scary and cracked out looking like Madonna's arms.

20. Bake a souffle: I'm a good cook, but I feel like this is one of those things that really marks you as a good cook, because it's all fluffy and complicated. Plus, I have a recipe for a leek and cheese souffle that sounds delectable.

Take Me Home Country Roads

It's official. I have actually signed up and paid for the half marathon that I'll be running on Nov. 6. I know I'd already posted on here that I was going to do it and, of course, crowed to all of my family and friends about my upcoming adventure, but I've done that before and learned that it's completely possible to do so and still back out. But now my broke self has actually laid down money, so I have to do it (too bad that doesn't work with gym memberships and purchased home gym equipment. Ahem).

Anyway, training officially started on Monday (courtesy of the Runner's World Smart Coach) with an easy 2-miler. It would have been easier if I hadn't helped polish off a bucket of sangria and some rum punch the night before, but I made myself do it anyway because it doesn't bode well when one skips her first day to lay about on the couch bemoaning her headache. Yesterday was cross-training, and today was the real test. It's been a long time since I've run over 5 miles, and certainly a long time since I've done it at the crack of dawn, but I dragged myself out of bed this morning before the sun was up and slogged through it. Oof. I may run regularly, and I may be in decent shape, but that hurt y'all. I chose a pretty farm road loop near my parents' house in Lancaster, which was, um, fragrant. If you've ever driven through Amish country you have an idea of what I mean, but nothing compares to an early morning run right beside the fields when you're breathing hard. Holy cow dung, but maybe it spurred me to go a little faster and I finished in the allotted time. Unfortunately I also broke the screen on my iPod by sweating all over it, but I can still sort of see a millimeter or so around the edges and it still makes sound, so all is not lost. As long as it still plays for my 6-miler on Saturday morning I can work around the broken screen.

So, just a few minutes before I started writing this, I attempted to actually drive the route to get a better feel for it. And...then I got lost. I started at the appointed address and went on my way only to come to a one-lane bridge that's closed for repairs. Okay, turn around. I went the other way, promptly misreading my now backward directions and ending up where I started, at which point I gave up to come home to drink wine. On the plus side, the road that I was mistakenly driving on has far too many hills, so I'm glad I was a little off. Anyway, wish me luck and I'll keep you updated with my attempts to keep breathing while running further and further from my beloved couch.

What've You Been Up To?

Sooooo. It's been a while. Things have been hectic around here - good busy, but busy nonetheless. So, a recap. A quick one, mostly boring, but a reminder that I'm still here and will eventually return to posting on the regular.

- I watched the first season of The Jersey Shore. I felt appropriately ashamed of myself but couldn't stop.
- I started commuting back and forth between Lancaster and D.C. for a job, and it's going quite well. I only see the boyfriend twice a week, but still.
- We're happy. Like, really really happy. There was a patch there, not exactly rough, but a bit bumpy, but all is as it should be now. We're still planning on eventually being married by Elvis, and I'm still planning to wear a red dress.
- I finally got rid of a really toxic person in my life and I made some amazing friends in D.C. I feel I have a family here now.
- So, of course, I have legitimate job leads in both Pittsburgh and Lancaster.
- Lancaster is, shockingly, ahead in the running for where I want to live if I don't live here. It's funny how your hometown can go from being the most hated place ever to the place where it's familiar and comfortable and nice that the guy in the coffee shop remembers your order every day. It's even nicer when you could get a three bedroom for the amount that you pay now and have a backyard for your as yet unpurchased giant dog. I love giant dogs.
- I'm running a half marathon in November. I might be crazy, but at least it finally made me quit smoking for real.
- I'm fully obsessed with Glee, despite my intense loathing of musicals, and glad that Emma Pillsbury, my fave fictional guidance counselor, has finally validated my cardigan habit.

There's most likely a lot more, but three-ish months is hard to remember all at once. For now, that seems good enough. And I really do feel bad about the Jersey Shore thing.

Shredded

Last time I was on here, I believe I was bitching about my recent weight gain, which is both unfair and unwarranted (the weight gain, not the bitching). At the time, I'd been doing Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred for a while, and keeping notes, which follow this intro. I must warn you, if you don't like exercise, or find long exercise-related posts kind of boring, you might as well stop now. If you want my impressions of the workout (and a little more cranky), keep going.

Week 1:
Started with Level 1. It's hard, but doable. I've decided to stick to my regular eating habits because I'm incapable of dieting. I would rather work out hard than attempt to restrict myself. I also stuck to my regular exercise routine for the most part - if I was doing Level 1 I did another workout with it, but the first few times that I did Level 2 I just did it alone. Anyway, so I started out at X weight (I'm not telling) and took my measurements. At the end of Week 1, I'd lost a half inch off of my waist, hips, and booty and lost 2 pounds. I admittedly did not do the workouts on Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I needed a day off since I felt myself getting shin splints, and Sunday I was so grossly hungover I took a two hour nap and mostly ate saltines and drank ginger tea. Ahem.

Week 2: I was somewhat dissatisfied with my results from Week 1, so I did weight training days in addition to the Shred workouts rather than just running. Said workout basically consisted of biking for 15 minutes as a warm-up (no running b/c of shin splints), 20 minutes of either free weights on arm day or One on One Training with Jackie on leg day, plus whatever Level of the Shred I was feeling that day. I also tried Level 3 this week, which was a bit much at the time - too many plyometrics for my spindly little shins. Ow. I literally yelled OUCH a couple times. Plyometrics are so not for me. It felt like my poor little legs were breaking. I also made the mistake this week of doing a workout while hungover. Never. Again. Worst. Idea. Ever. Results, however, were pretty much unchanged.

Week 3: Have started keeping track of my calories and trying to eat more protein and fewer carbs (in a healthy, non-Atkins way). Apparently I am not entirely incapable of dieting, just cranky about it. Mostly, I am frustrated as hell that I am working out like a demon and not seeing results. The universe hates me. I did Level 3 again this morning and remembered that it hates me too. Mostly, my issue comes from the two most vile exercises I can think of - jump lunges and jump squats. I am unable to keep my balance during the former and during the second set of the latter I was in so much pain that I yelled "Shut UP Jillian!" at the TV and then muted it. Because I wasn't being melodramatic at all.

Week 4: Have started eating protein shakes for lunch. I am now a protein shake girl. I sort of hate myself a little for that. And yet, all the calorie counting and the fact that I do Level 3, a cardio warm-up (usually) and 20 minutes of abs has not made for super results. The grand total? I lost 3 pounds (WTF?), 1 inch from my waist, 1 from the booty, and 1 from my hips. Again, WTF? Overall it's a good workout, for sure, if you don't have much time. I think maybe I expected too much, having heard that it could change your body big time. And maybe it would have if I'd started from a different place - not exercising much to begin with or having more to lose - but honestly, it's a routine I'll probably only really stick with on days that I don't have much time. In the meantime, I'll have my protein shakes to keep me warm at night.

Overall:

A great DVD, especially if you don't have a lot of time. I know I did regular workouts with the DVD workouts, but if I didn't have time for a whole big thing I felt like I got a decent workout in 25 minutes, which is pretty sweet.

Level 1 is good. It's definitely hard, but Jillian is hardcore and motivating (although that pain that I feel while doing bicycle crunches? It's not "fear leaving the body," it's lactic acid buildup. Just sayin'). Level 2 is harder, but still doable. The cardio is more heart-pumping, and the weight exercises are static (think holding a lunge for a full minute) so your muscles are working the whole time. However, after a week and a half I felt like I needed another workout on top of both Levels 1 & 2. Level 3 is a beast, at least when you first start. I did really like the fact that she incorporated weights into the cardio (think punches while holding your dumbells) and there is something perversely satisfying about being that sweaty. Gives me a sense of accomplishment. However, at the end I still needed a little something extra (lagniappe, as we would say in NOLA) by my third day at Level 3.

My biggest issue with the DVD? There is this section at the beginning where Jillian talks for about 3 minutes, introducing herself and the workouts. Cool...one time. The problem comes because you CAN'T fast forward, and I only needed to hear it once. It's like those FBI warnings, but way longer. It's kind of hugely annoying when you've heard it 30 times in a row. Other than that, the stretching portion wasn't enough for me, so I just did my own stretches at the end, which made it pretty much a nonissue. Apparently, I also can't really speak to results, but if you're starting from scratch I'd say it's a pretty good place to start from. Mostly, I am lukewarm but still recommending it, and I'm starting to really like protein shakes. Sure, they taste like Yoo-Hoo with some fruit added, but now I find them weirdly satisfying. I'm not sure what that says about me.

A Little Help Here?

Dear Body,

I thought we were friends. I mean, I know that we've had our ups and downs over the years - you gave me an annoyingly sensitive stomach, but I suspect that's probably because I decided you needed an eating disorder for a few years. I got saddled with an anxiety problem, but I blame that mostly on genetics. You gave me crappy skin, but made up for it with really shiny hair. I will probably never have lovely nails, but I have cute boobs. You even allowed me to eat whatever I wanted for most of my teens and twenties, and so when you decided that a high metabolism wasn't in the cards for me anymore, I obliged you by exercising and eating right and lost the 15 (or 20) pounds that living in New Orleans for 3 years gave me. We were cool, Body, and I kept exercising and eating right because, well, it was only fair. So, Body, allow me to kindly ask: what the fuck? Where exactly do you get off adding ten of those pounds back without even asking? It's not like I did anything to deserve this. Maybe I didn't work out quite as much and maybe I wasn't as diligent about the calories, but that's only because I have things to do, dammit, and it's not like I went on a binging spree. But fine, I stepped it back up again, and...nothing. That seems a little unfair. Because, really, it's not as though I enjoy working out 7 days a week. I don't like counting calories and feeling vaguely hungry and cranky all day, but I do it because I thought we had a deal. You know what I mean - I work hard, you cooperate. It's a pretty simple equation. It's not like I expected results right away either. I bought special DVDs and I took measurements and I didn't even rely only on the scale, because that thing is damnably unreliable, and I even restricted my little check-ins to once per week, and still...nothing. And now I am in a bad mood every day because my clothes don't fight me properly and there is nothing pleasant about plump, and I am about done with being little Ms. Nice Girl. So, sack up, beeyotch, because I'm getting a little sick of this nonsense.

XOXO,
The Rest of Me

Misspent Youth

I just overheard a most disturbing conversation outside of my building. A girl said that Jared Leto once touched her boob. Apparently her mother approved of this encounter, as she approved of the arrest of said girl's boyfriend. Apparently her mother is also a binge drinker and a pothead (not my own judgmental conclusion, but one gained from further eavesdropping). She looked exactly like a skinnier, trashier version of Jenny Humphrey (which is tough to do, as Little J is so bleached and trashy and racooned eyed that she is practically Courtney Love, but less awesomely insane), and probably doesn't even know that Jared Leto was once Jordan Catalano before he went all emo and became addicted to guyliner. I fear for the future of our species.

A Fun Blog and A Random Thought

First up, fun blog:

I feel it's my duty to alert all two of my readers (hi!) to a blog that I love (LOVE), missdoxie.com. I got the address from another blog a while ago and promptly read about five years of entries. It's written by an Atlanta attorney who is hilarious. Seriously, I laugh like an idiot every time that I read her stories, and sometimes it's really touching and I almost shed a tear except that I'm usually at work and that is inappropriate and pansy-like. She doesn't update very much anymore - only once or twice in the past year or so - but she has archives going back to 2004, and I am not ashamed to say that I've read them all, some several times. Said archives have gotten me through any number of mind numbingly boring doc review hours, while quite possibly convincing my office mate that I am crazy. Most days when I first started reading went much like this:

Me: click, click, click, next. Click, click, click, next. Heh. Hehehehe. Heeee.
Office Mate: strange look in my direction.
Me: click, click, click, next. Click, click, click, next. Ahahahaha. Hee. Hee. Catches breath. Snort.
Office Mate: What are you doing over there?
Me: Oh, it's just this site I'm reading. Cackle, hehehehe, hee. Giggles silently while trying to maintain composure.
Office Mate: shakes head at seemingly crazy coworker.

And on and on and on. For like, days. It's okay though, because he's a really loud breather and I am thus not apologetic for my silent, shaking, giggling fits. Anyways, go read it. You will thank me, in between fits of hysterical laughter.

And now, Random Thought:

My blog title is seriously misleading. I picked it out when I was in this serious Lady Gaga phase and it sounded fun at the time, but it in no way reflects my life. My last blog title at least made sense, especially if you took Business Enterprises with me first year. This one makes no sense at all. Not only have I succeeded in playing out every Gaga song that I own to the point that I now skip them on my iPod, but my life in no way resembles a Glamour Show, at midnight or any other time. In fact, my life is really, shockingly normal and not very glamorous at all. Full disclosure and all. So it may change at some point (again), but I'm not especially creative and I can't think of anything better at the moment, so for now you can just imagine that I'm glitter-studded and partying into the wee hours and we'll leave it at that.

Gooping It Up

I have a shameful confession. I can't decide if it's worse than that time that I made a picture of Megan Fox my desktop background after deciding that, actually, she was awesome in Jennifer's Body and I thereafter forgave her for saying the most ridiculous things ever. Actually, nothing is that shameful. Anyway.

So, um, I've been reading Gwyneth Paltrow's newsletter, GOOP, which I have previously scoffed at on more than one occasion. It started innocently enough: I was at work one day and I came across this article in which one person attempted to live according to GOOP for 30 days, including the crazy detox, and then I found another similar article and another and I was really bored so I just kept reading and eventually I just decided to go directly to the source. And I liked it, so much so that it is now delivered to my inbox at semi-regular intervals and I get all excited about it, much like I get excited about facebook notifications or actual emails written by friends rather than listserves.

And now that I've admitted that...it certainly is rather silly, like the issue in which she suggested Christmas presents and included things like an Hermes watch "for her" and a Mulberry weekend bag "for him." So, yes, it may be totally frivilous on occasion, because who but a celebrity jets off to Morocco for the weekend and then writes about it as though us normal folk will someday think "Hey, I'm feeling restless. Lemme check out what Gwyneth has to say about Morocco while I'm packing for a little jaunt"? Hint: the answer is no one. But! It's also like getting this sort of goofy advice from your somewhat flaky but incredibly well-meaning friend who really wants you to have fun in Morocco and thinks that you deserve an Hermes watch for Christmas. And on occasion, there are some bits that normal people without rockstar husbands and an Oscar can use, like her playlists for a spring party compiled by various celebrities and the reading lists that she occasionally writes up. Most recently, there was an issue devoted to recipes and an interview with Jaime Oliver (think whatever you like of his show - I haven't watched it - but he can still cook) that has really easy recipes for different salad dressings and a Moroccan stewed fish recipe that I made just the other day that came out great.

See? Yummy. And, even though I am nearly incapable of taking good pictures of my food, it mostly looks like it's supposed to. Plus, it only took about 20 minutes, including shrimp peeling, which is always a plus in my book. Boyfriend and I were both pleased with the result, and though he initially smirked a bit at the source, the next night he asked if we were going to have more of "that actress's salad dressing."

Pasta with Tomato Pesto

This past week was hot. Like, really summery 90 degrees HOT. I'm definitely a summer person, and as much as I love such temperatures outside by the pool or inside with the A/C on, I do not love it in April when the building hasn't turned on the A/C yet. Thus, most of the week was spent remaining as stationary as possible so as not to sweat to death and finding things to cook that wouldn't further overheat me. Enter this tomato pesto recipe that I make about once a week during the spring and summer months. The original recipe is from an issue of Women's Health that I bought about two years ago, so it's also healthy and under 500 calories per serving, if you care about that sort of thing. Normally I serve it hot, but it tasted just as good cooled after rinsing the noodles under cold water. So, without further ado:

Pasta with Tomato Pesto

3/4 lb penne pasta
1/2 lb (about 4) ripe Roma or plum tomatoes
8-10 large, fresh basil leaves
2 Tbsp unsalted roasted almonds
1-2 large garlic cloves, crushed and peeled
1/4-1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes
1/4 tsp coarse sea salt or kosher salt
1/4 c extra-virgin olive oil
Grated parmesan for topping

1. Boil pasta. Obviously. If you don't want anything hot to pass your lips, rinse the pasta under cold water when you're done.
2. For the pesto, cut tomatoes into large chunks and place in the food processor with basil leaves. Follow with the almonds, garlic, red pepper, and salt and pulse until finely blended.
3. To add the olive oil: most food processors have a feed tube at the top with a little cup thingy that fits into it (what the heck is that called?). Most little cup thingies have little holes on the bottom that, if filled with olive oil, will allow it to drip in slowly while blending so that mixture emulsifies properly. If yours has a holey cup thingie, use it. If not, just pour it all in and blend. There, how technical of me.
4. Combine pesto and pasta. Top with parmesan. Eat. See? That was simple. And healthy. And will not cause you to overheat and become even more cranky and sweaty while making dinner. Awesome.

That Went Well

So far, the so-called Kind Experiment has not been very nice to me. First I was all set to get started when my job went on a two-week hiatus (side note, screw that. Only fun for people who are salaried) and it turns out that vegan-type food is tres expensive. Just the not-sugar sweeteners alone probably would've cost $30, which is a lot when you consider the price of a simple bag of sugar. So I delayed, but then I decided I would just start out easy. I would pick two recipes that used minimal ingredients, some of which I already had, and serve with a side salad. Simple.

Total. Kitchen. Meltdown.

The sauces were going okay, but I made the mistake of subbing a different sweetener for one and it just tasted wrong, so I threw it out. Then I was baking my tofu and it stayed resolutely jiggly despite 45 minutes in the oven. Okay, fine. It will surely crisp up when I fry it. Except I never got to that part. First, I decided to fry my black bean croquettes. They won't fry. Instead, they foam up all over the place and fall apart in the oil, which begins smoking madly and frothing like I'd dumped soap in the pan. So I used the rest of my oil, and the same effing thing kept happening, completely blackening my pretty silver pan.

That's when the, um, rage blackout began. The kitchen was filling with smoke because of my ill-advised frying and practically asphyxiating me, the stupid croquettes were falling apart all over the place. I had no more oil. I smelled like fryer smoke. The tofu wasn't enough for dinner by itself and my sauce was already in the bin, and I sort of lost it. I yelled at the stove. I yelled at the frying pan. I yelled at the cookbook, and vegans in general, and at the boyfriend for suggesting that things would be fine. I then yelled at him for suggesting that I order the pizza and made him do it instead, and then yelled about having to go pick it up, and in the generally lunatic-heavy atmosphere he ordered a vegetarian pizza forgetting that I hate both olives and green peppers. So then I was mad about that, except I couldn't be mad at him because the fiasco was of my own making. Not a good night, all totaled.

So, I guess maybe I'll just have to try that again later. Maybe next time I'll go with something that doesn't involve frying, just cooking, and doesn't involve interesting sweeteners. I would also like to point out while we're here that I am generally a nonconfrontational, non-screaming, fairly normal person. There is just something about kitchen disasters. I do not weather them well. Me + kitchen disaster = totally unhinged. Or, put another way...vegans: 1, me: 0. Possibly -10 for psychotic behavior. Ahem. Kind indeed.

Detoxed

This week was kind of amazing. That's all. I just feel good. Like, really good. Light, again, finally.

A Kind Experiment

I checked Alicia Silverstone's vegan mission statement/cookbook The Kind Diet out of the library the other day, and I'm a little smitten. I mean, I've been a little smitten since Clueless. Who didn't love the "virgin who can't drive" (and if you didn't, please don't tell me, because I want us to be friends). I mean, seriously, it makes me wish that we were friends and could hang out eating non-dairy desserts and having wine and petting her dogs, 'cause she is kind of hilarious.

So, generally I think that vegans are crazy, and generally I'm kind of vocal about it. I mean, I am mostly vegetarian, but vegans are a little nuts, right? I love cheese. Love. I would marry a wheel of Brie and I think that boyfriend wouldn't even be jealous. And I love eating out.* Sometimes there is nothing better than having someone else prepare your food, serve it to you, and then clean up the dishes, all the while being very nice, even if it's only for tips. You can't really eat out if you're vegan. Unless it's a vegan restaurant, and how many of your friends do think are going to be excited about that?

Anyway, so I got this book and now I have a 3-page list of ingredients for vegan meals, and a menu that would last at least two weeks. Now, I'm going to pare down the list, because my budget does not include things like plums that cost $17 for 7 ounces and three different kinds of organic sweetener and $20 flake cereal (I am serious, y'all. Serious. Those flakes had better do your laundry and make out with you too). But, I do want to try it for a week. Just one week, and see how it feels. I imagine it'll feel like I'm cooking a lot, but if it makes me half as glowy and happy looking as Ms. Silverstone looks with her cute husband and her dogs, I am ALL for it. Or even if I'm just a little less tired, and a little more relaxed, and a little bit healthier. I promise to let you know how it goes.

*Heh. Hehehehe. I am a 12-year-old, apparently. I cannot type the phrase "eat out" without giggling just a little. I sigh deeply at my own behavior.

New Resolve

So it's the 19th of March. Whatever. I feel like now is the time to check in on the old New Year's Resolutions. In no particular order:

1. Get a four pack. I'm working on the two pack right now with the help of intervals and my new favorite workout DVD (One on One with Jackie Warner). I know some people don't find muscular women sexy, and I'm certainly not looking to end up like Madonna, but I think great abs are hot. And I will have my own, darn it.

2. Find a damn job. Yeah, this is basically going the way it's been going. I work on it, but it's hard right now. It'll happen though.

3. Finally quit smoking. I've smoked for a long time, and for the most part, I don't anymore. I'm fine for months or weeks or whatever and then my friend from downstairs calls me to come outside, or I go to a bar, or boyfriend and I get cranky with each other and I'm right back where we started. I run, dammit, and resolution #4 isn't going to happen if I don't woman up and knock it the heck off.

4. Run a half marathon. Running 13 miles is sort of unfathomable, but at the same time I know that I can do it. The only thing stopping me is just signing up, because then I can't back out. I am an expert backer-outer, but races are expensive, and I am also totally cheap.

5. Stop tanning myself into oblivion. I'm not saying I've ever been Jersey Shore tan or anything (not that I have ever watched the show, but those morons are unavoidable), but I'm mostly Scottish and Irish, thus fair and freckly, and I lay out wayyyyy too much. I need to stop. First step, finding a nice self tanner that doesn't turn me orange. This does not mean that I'll be passing up my lovely new pool; it just means that I'll be wearing sunscreen this time. And SPF 4 doesn't count, even if it does have antioxidants.

6. Stick up for myself. I've spent most of my life letting people walk all over me. Not all people, obviously. I have some amazing friends who are loyal and wonderful and don't make me take all of the blame when we have fights, and they're fantastic. But then there are the people to whom I consistently give too much leeway, be they friends or cranky customer service reps, and I will no longer allow people to stamp "Welcome" on my forehead and take whatever they want. It's not going awesomely so far, but at least I finally honk at people who cut me off in traffic. So there.

Welcome to the Dark Side

A few years back, I wrote a post on my previous blog about fashion trends that annoyed me. Topping the list were skinny jeans, leggings*, flowy tops that I felt resembled maternity wear, and in-between tops that are neither dress nor shirt.

As I write this post, two years later, I am wearing leggings with a flowy top that is too long to be a shirt and too short to be a dress. Earlier, I was wearing skinny jeans, as I do almost every day now.

I guess you could say this post is my way of eating my words.

*I still feel that leggings are not pants. They are pantlike, but please, ladies, cover your assets. If I see a butt cheek (or rather, the shape of a butt cheek under your stretchy bottoms) or even a hint of camel toe, you're out. Just use your best judgment.

Nice buns

I bake a lot when stressed. Bread, cookies, occasionally entire cakes - it's like my zen thing. So on Friday when I came home from a truly wretched day at work to find the internet out and boyfriend feeling sick I decided it was time for something sweet. After emptying and scrubbing out the pantry (stupid pantry moths. I hate you) I looked at my remaining ingredients and decided on cinnamon rolls for breakfast this morning. All told they were pretty simple. I was sort of winging it from a couple of different recipes due to my lack of internet, and this is what I ended up with:

Cinnamon Buns with Sugar Glaze

Dough:
1 egg, lightly beaten, at room temperature, plus enough warm water to equal 1 cup
2 tsp dry yeast
1/3 cup sugar
1.5 tsp salt
3.5 cups bread flour
3 TBSP oil (you can use any. I ran out of veg oil so I used olive)

Filling:
Melted butter
Cinnamon
Sugar

Glaze:
1/3 cup powdered sugar
2.5 TBSP milk
1/2 tsp vanilla (I used bourbon vanilla)

• Dissolve yeast into the water/egg mixture and let it stand for about five minutes until foamy
• In the meantime, mix together the dry ingredients in the bowl of your mixer.
  
• When the yeast mixture is foamy, pour it and the oil into the mixer where the dry ingredients are now hanging out, all mixed together) with a dough hook and knead until it forms a ball around the hook
• Cover dough with plastic wrap and let it rise until doubled. I let it rise for about an hour and a half, but you'll know it's done when you poke it and it doesn't bounce back.
• When your dough is ready, roll it out on a lightly floured surface into a rectangle about 12 by 6 (mine was about 15 by 8, but whatever). If you want, stick the dough in the fridge for about 15 minutes to make it firmer and thus easier to roll out.
• When you have your big rectangle, brush it all over with melted butter and sprinkle with liberal amounts of cinnamon and sugar. They'll sink into the butter as you go, so just use your best judgment as to how cinnamon-sugary you want your rolls. I was going to use brown sugar, but it was a giant brick, so I used white. It was fine. You could probably stick some chopped pecans in there too, but the pantry moths had gotten to mine. Assholes.
• When you've coated your rectangle, you're ready to roll it up. Do this lengthwise, rolling it like a jelly roll, or a ho ho, my favorite snack cake. I brushed each plain length as I was rolling with more melted butter, for added calories. Yum.
• Slice your roll up in one inch slices and put them into a generously greased muffin tin, or cake pan, or cookie sheet. Let them rise for another half hour or so. If you're making these at night like I was for the next morning, now is the point at which you can cover them with plastic wrap and refrigerate them until they're ready to go the next morning.
  
• Bake at 350 for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown, then glaze. The glaze amounts are approximate and to be used as a guide - all you need to do is put some powdered sugar into a bowl and add milk until it's a thickish liquid. Add vanilla a little a time and pour over buns.

• Eat. Try to restrain yourself, but know that I won't judge you if that's impossible, because I sure as hell didn't.
  

Grrr

Well, that was just pointless. I woke up this morning to warmer temperatures than we've had in months and thought to myself "why don't I go for a run outside?" So I had breakfast (too much, it turns out) and my car actually started (it's been having battery problems) and I drove myself to Swain's Lock on the C&O Canal. And I started running. And I realized after a minute and a half that it wasn't happening. I haven't run outside in a while and despite still managing to exercise five times a week, I feel out of shape. So my lungs start burning, because while it's not that cold, it's still cold. Then my nose starts running, and it's hard to blow your nose and run at the same time. Then I get a side cramp because I had a fried egg sandwich before I decided to go running. I am nothing if not intelligent in my preparations. So I walk. And run for two minutes, get frustrated, and walk some more. Rinse, repeat. And I go about a mile, and that's when I said "screw it" and turned around, because the whole time I'm also thinking about whether my car will start back up or whether I will have to hike a mile back up the road to call for a rescue, and that is not conducive to a relaxing run. So I just drove 40 minutes to run for 15 minutes. Awesome. I remember when I started running and two miles was a big accomplishment. Now it's just cause to be cranky. At least the car started.

Chatroulette

Last night the boyfriend decided last night to check out the new Chatroulette service, just to see what it's about. Apparently, it's about penises. Lots and lots and lots of penises. From everywhere, apparently. It was a little disturbing after a bit. I mean, sure, you like your business and all, but must you put it out there for all to see? And if you're looking for something that you and said penis can have fun with, you're in the wrong place, because out of the many screens that he clicked through very quickly, almost all of them were more penises. So, unless that's your thing, which I'm guessing if you're one of those guys that we saw with your business out there on the internet, you're not, you're sort of out of luck. There were two really nice girls from Norway who seemed a.) normal, and b.) not naked, but that's about it. Oh, and one guy playing his guitar who was also not naked. But otherwise, I would skip it unless you're curious, which is cool since we were too, or you're really into penises. Because, as one guy put it, after we asked "seriously though, why?", there's apparently not much else to do when you're up at 2 a.m. and chatting with random strangers. Penises ahoy!

VD

For anyone but me, the following is probably one of those "you had to be there" moments. That's fine. Let me just reassure you that I am not a freak, my best friend was not a stalker, and the whole thing was a joke. Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

Probably the most amusing Valentine's gift I ever got was from my best friend at the time. He was one of those weird artsy kids that all high schools have, and I just loved him to pieces. Anyway, I got home on February 14th, junior year of high school to find my mother rather horrified, sitting at the kitchen table with a large ball jar containing: 1 pig's heart, several Barbie doll parts, and topped with a note reading "If I can't have you no one can." Awww, thanks Doug. You're the bestest.

Honestly though, for someone who despises VDay as much as I do, it was probably the best present ever.

You Can't Unring the Bell

I know, but I'm gonna try like hell.